Clara wanted to know why when she is in a romantic relationship, little by little she sabotages her career and allows her work to decline and why she looses her voice. When she is single her works goes well. When she is in a relationship, her work declines. She did not want to choose any longer between the two. She loved her work as a writer and it was important for her to express herself. She wanted to have both work and love.
One day, years ago, she saw a scene play in her mind spontaneously. She saw herself as a woman who was on the second floor of her home and she was sitting behind a wooden desk writing a text that contained a message that had spiritual, esoteric teachings. There was a man coming bhind her who was telling her that she shouldn’t be writing this. He grabbed her from behind and then she lost consciousness in her vision.
Three years prior to us speaking, Clara had made the decission to leave her marriage. Ever since then, sometimes she would get a stabbig feeling under her heart, as if someone is kiling her with a sword or a big knife. She left her husband because he was cheating and she wanted a relationship based on honesty.
Carla is Italian. The story below is a transcript of our session. I did not edit it to correct her sentences. I wanted you to experience for yourself how the story unfolded, just like I experienced it.
Clara: I see I’m a woman and I see I’m dressed in dark clothes. It’s probably the beginning of 1800. I have this dark boots, I have a long skirt, it’s not black, it’s dark brown, like. I am a North America, where am I? Massachusetts comes. Massachusetts, uhm . . . It’s a spiritual community. There’s lot of church people. I see this big, big barn. It’s really big and there is a huge, white, metal door and then, the barn is bordeaux, red bordeaux. And there’s activity around me. There are like, people going , there are horses and baggage and horses.
I feel I have a lot of energy. I feel like maybe I am, I don’t understand, I feel like I’m wise. I don’t know if I’m mature too, I have a lot of energy and it’s like I’m going, It’s like I’m in a hurry.
Mira: Yeah. What’s happening? Why you’re in a hurry?
Clara: I think I have to hide something. I don’t want somebody to find something.
Mira: Uh-hmm. Let’s go and see where do you go, where do you hide?
Clara: I’m inside the house now. And it’s, the first floor is just like a big common room like, you can eat there, where it’s like the living room and the kitchen and the dining room are all together in one place.
I might be married to a pastor.
You know what? It’s funny. I think that man, that husband, he looks like my sister now. And he still has locks in his hair and yeah, he’s a pastor. He wears glasses. He’s a little bit overweight, he’s short. He means well but he’s very stubborn and rigid. And he doesn’t allow for anything to be conceived outside of rigid dogmas he preaches and he believes, and he’s been habituated to believe as the ultimate reality.
(Laughing) It makes me laugh that he looks like my sister and also wears that. And I do have kids. I think they are grownup now but, I see man, a young man, he comes to visit with his young family, I think they work the land, they are like farmers.
I’m not wealthy but I’m not poor, I think we have more than enough to get by. I have found my inner power and I have found a reality that this doesn’t match, now I feel I wanna cry, just doesn’t match with what’s there and I try to bring it out but, I think he’s scared that, you know, the pastor’s wife is not supposed to wreck a pastors life like that and so he, oh I see, he allows me to write. He allows me to write.
As you know, like it’s, I think he’s afraid that if what I know comes out, his own life is wrecked because he knows, that then, what he’s been teaching and preaching to people is all wrong. He knows that, he knows that and I think he’s in a very deep, personal crisis. Because, although he does not admit, I see we are by the window, we are arguing really, we are yelling and I am sharing with him this knowledge. I have the knowing that everybody has deep within because this is who we are.
He knows it’s true, he knows part of what I’m saying at least, he doesn’t reply back. And when he doesn’t reply back, I understand that it is because he knows, he just can’t let it out and he can’t admit it and he can’t have others admit it and he just can’t conceive that and I can’t keep it inside.
I can’t keep it inside and he’s telling me now to stop writing. That I am destroying his life and he tells me that I am no good. He tells me that I am, I can ruin people’s lives. And I’m very much shocked because I know in fact, I can do the opposite by just, I’m not in the right time.
And I feel like I want to find somebody that believes in what I have discovered and what I know to be true. I feel like I start to fear for my own life and safety though. I see a very old woman coming into the scene now, she is a very good person, she really is good, she is a white-like person
Mira: Who is she? What does she do?
Clara: She might be my mother in that life. She’s very old. She wears a handkerchief on her head, she has white hair, she is really tiny. She wears glasses and the glasses are square and, she’s like she’s just pure love. You know, like, she understands
I don’t know what to do. I feel comforted by the fact that she doesn’t reject me. She’s suggesting me to pray, she says that, “Although the time is not right, you can influence them by the love in your prayers. Spread their hearts open until there will be a time they will be ready to listen.”
And that’s a good suggestion at that time for me. I can’t keep from writing because I have so many messages coming through
And unfortunately for me, that is a very conservative and religious community so, it’s a small community too so it’s not that you can really hide yourself.
I think he starts hating me because I’m not very willing to compromise like I, I think I just told him I don’t wanna go to the church with him anymore.
And I see myself sitting in the last row with, of the benches in the church with a smile, you know, kind of Mona Lisa smile that knows but doesn’t tell what he’s preaching and it’s like, people around are perceiving the split between us. I don’t wanna lie.
I find comfort in the messages that come through that, they are not scary. They are filled with love and compassion and gentleness
And I just wanna scream that there is no God that scares people out, you know, that’s not how it is.
And I think we’ve become more and more distant. He tries to preach to me.
I now making big waves that I just can’t adhere to his teachings.
It’s like I live a double life. It’s like I withdraw from conversations with others because I can’t say my truth but I don’t wanna compromise to something that’s a lie anyways. I do go to this old mother though. And I tried through the use of metaphors, I tried to, I think I have three kids and especially see the boy that lives in the farm nearby, where I think there’s another boy but I don’t know where he is. I can’t see him. I see another girl but, oh, I see the girl. She took side with the father, so, she’s kind of scared of me. But the boy, I kind of tried to deliver messages that are hidden but the metaphor is clear enough for him to really see that there is hope.
And there is light and I think he gets it. In his own way, I don’t think he’s a very intellectual person. But, nonetheless, in his own way, I think they think deep.
Well, you know, I think that guy, he’s my middle stepdaughter which I have a beautiful relationship too.
I see a glass of wine… I think my husband tends to drink. I think he wants to protect me from society we are in.
Also from his teachings, but because he knows that I’m not totally nuts, there’s also a part of him that just wants to protect me.
Now the more important people in the church get together. And they’re all men, and they’re all yelling at me, they’re beening very violent, very aggressive and abusive in their speech.
They found out that I don’t believe in their teachings of God. They found out that to me, God’s message is a message of peace, and of love and that I don’t believe that we should be poor and controlled by the church the way it is. And they take me in this big room, it’s very dark. It’s like a meeting room.
And there are all this, they want me to swear that what I write is wrong and it’s a blasphemy. And I feel very confused because I don’t really want to die, be killed, or be violated in any way. But at the same time, I cannot negate what in my heart is so clear. They’re dragging me to, to take me with the horses and baggage to take me out in the countryside and abandon me on my own.
I don’t think there’s a way out for me there. You see their voices are lowering now, I don’t feel like there’s a way out for me there. Yes. So I see the scene I saw, I told you in the beginning that I was not my husband to kill me but one of those men. He came and he stabbed me with such rage. My husband, I can, I float out now, and I can see my husband, he’s downstairs. He felt relieved that I’ve been killed. He’s sorry a little bit but he’s also relieved. I think he feels cold inside.
I just see … I’m not sure if it’s the heart, the stomach, the pancreas, or what, some of my organs, a little bit came out of my lower ribs and its blood all over.
I feel free.
Mira: And look into the energy of the person who stabbed you and become aware if you know that person as somebody you know in your present life.
Clara: Well, the energy feels like the energy of my husband in this life.
The same rage he can become. He’s someone who has a temper and can burst into rage with nothing and for nothing, so that it feels like the same energy. Like, several men went into that house and it’s like this one got into such a rage and, in no time, without even thinking of anything, just ran up, came to me, stabbed me very violently. Yeah! That’s his energy.
Mira: And now become aware of the lesson that you learned in this lifetime. What did you learn in this life?
Clara: To hold on to my beliefs. Whenever they are good.
Next, I moved Clara to another life to help her see how she can be in a loving relationship and still stay cmmitted to her work.
Clara: I’m a man. I’m a very tall man. I’m wearing a very, very weird outfit, it’s almost futuristic. It’s shiny and it’s all one piece, like an overall. I’m a highly creative person. I’m an innovative person. I work with teams from other dimensions which are spiritual beings and they are helping us, we are a team of highly sensitive psychic beings and we are working altogether. We are helping new structures of reality to be brought forth in energy form, for the expansion and evolution of our people.
And I am married, I have a beautiful wife. She’s wearing the same outfit mine is, shiny and like silver, her is light blue. The various, it’s shape is not the shape we have now, it’s different, it’s, we are very thin, very tall. And I don’t think we are human. Because I now see the heads and our heads are different.
Mira: What do they look like?
Clara: Almost like a triangle with a point, facing downwards, not that sharp, you know. And it’s like the ears are almost like two tubes and they are where the two corners of the triangles would be on the top. I don’t see hair. We do have eyes that are, you know, like an egg. You know an egg that’s like pushed back in the skull. And then you see just like half of the egg sidewise, sideways and two very tiny points where the nose is in our faces.
I see mouth, it’s like the downward point of the triangle as its mouth. We’re very thin, we’re really thin. Even like if you look at us sideways, it’s like we are very thin. We are a higher vibration. We’re not like humans, we are, our body is, I would say, slightly densified.
And I am, I don’t think there is marriage there, but we do take a mate for life. I know that, like, I don’t think there’s a marriage ceremony or anything like that but when we are together, we are together for life. And I feel so elated and elevated by being with this woman. Doesn’t really look like a woman but anyway, she’s a feminine being, I’m a masculine being.
And she’s my cheerleader. She, when I, I share everything with her and all my ideas, and all my new understanding. And it’s like she’s helping me. I go out there to these meetings where there are feminine beings too, it’s not only masculine beings, but I don’t know why she’s not coming. She’s , Oh, I know. She’s not that psychic so she can’t be allowed in these meetings.
But , although she’s not that psychic, she helps me, not only by believing in me and supporting me but also, she has a way of, because she doesn’t perceive so intense and so immediately. She wants to know more and what she says, what she asks, actually helps me to deepen even further my ideas to understand them better and to elaborate them better.
So I feel I can totally express myself. She has an important role too in that society. She’s doing something with technology though. She’s more on the scientific realm. But, in fact, we do match very well together and, oh, there’s such a trust. I don’t think that, I wouldn’t even know what jealousy is nor wouldn’t she, it’s like we are the two parts of the same mind.
And as it grows in excitement for being together and very, very deep peace because of our harmony. It’s like, even if at times, I’m growing in a way she doesn’t catch up with me, and vice versa, the other is still is there and waits, trusting that, and knowing, understanding really this is, this is normal, this is natural, this is how it’s supposed to be. There’s just never the thought of “I’m gonna leave you, or you’ll know more from me, or I can’t feel for you anymore”. It’s like, that doesn’t just exist there. And it’s like then, it’s so beautiful too. You can just expand your potential because there’s no resistance to it, nor inside of you, nor outside.
And now we are dying together peacefully. We decide our time. When it’s our time to leave, at just you know, you know your work is done and it’s time to move on to the next important mission. And we sit together in the lotus position, in meditation, and we just ascend to the next level.
I learned that I can be fully loved and appreciated for who I am and really express all of myself and still be loved unconditionally, so unconditionally. And that I am able to do the same and offer the same gift to another being, really.
I asked Clara to connect with her guides and with her teachers.
Clara: They’re so tall. (Laughs) The archangels are so tall. I saw one before, it’s so tall. Just like an energy-shaped, glittering lights, and I feel such a heat in my, I think, my kundalini.
And it’s spreading all around like a spiral and I can feel, like a galaxy, and I’m the center of that galaxy. And it’s like; they spread through me, with me. In a spiral form, it’s so beautiful.
It’s like a kaleidoscope. And this is what I’ve seen in my, this is what I’ve seen in my meditations or felt in my meditations at times. I just can’t feel any difference between the inside and the outside anymore. I am outside and they are inside of me and at the same time, they are outside of me, like, I am in the point where I saw, I felt this so many times in my meditations when there’s no difference between outside and inside. I don’t have words to express that but I am conscious of both at the same moment.
We aked why did they show her her first life.
Clara: They’re saying I had to learn the courage of my beliefs. And I needed to learn to stand up for myself. That’s, I risk my life, I didn’t stab myself but I also needed to see that lifetime to remember that yes, there is a way out. In that lifetime, they’re saying, I couldn’t conceive of the idea that yes, I could have gone elsewhere. Even just being on my own, I couldn’t have gone elsewhere. But there, the idea didn’t even take place in my mind and so I felt like there was no place and the time was wrong which is a feeling that’s been predominant in this lifetime a lot too. And I had to see that. They say I did very good too, to not deny what I was feeling but, that I had to learn that there was a way out.
And the only way out I could conceive of in that lifetime was being killed.
Because of standing up for what I believed. And then now I can see that I don’t need to be killed. I just need to go to the right people and be heard and there’s no need to be meek. Either, they’re saying that it was important for me to walk out of the marriage to take my stand and to claim my own power. And that I can be in my power.
Mira: And ask them about this feeling in you that you need to choose between your work, your career, and love. Ask them to speak about that.
Clara: They’re saying there was a time where a woman couldn’t have both. And they’re saying that I have been influenced by my mother in this lifetime too, or by my father. They’re saying that I absorbed the belief that my father had, how he behaved with my Mom that although he’s sad, he wanted to give her that freedom. It was very clear whenever my Mom tried to take a stand and go for her career that she never had his support and he would deny love to her. So, they’re saying that is not the case with me and that I probably distorted this with my previous partners but because of that, not because of my actual partners.
And they’re saying that the next loving relationship is actually gonna help a lot in my career as well.
They are saying, in the second life – He never doubted he could, hold on, I want to wait, he never doubted himself, like he knew he could offer and receive that kind of trust. He had worked a lot to eliminate most of the duality, the conflict within himself. He had come to a place of allowance. He would allow himself to be freely loved. Well, I’m having an enormous quantity of heat around my throat now. It’s like fire. Aaahhh.
He trusted God. She knew God was only good. She knew in his heart there was no need to bring up a resistance that only exists in our minds.
Mira: And how did trusting have to do with trusting another person? Or another being?
Clara: Because if you know that God is good, you know that it works through another person as well. And if you want that space of experiment in a beautiful love, relationship, there’s no need, there’s no reason why God wouldn’t allow that for you.
Because in that expansion, it expands too. There’s no sense of punishment there. Punishment comes from fear but fear is human. It’s not divine. There’s no need for fear. So now, I can trust. I don’t have to be punished. And they say, God is the way out.
That through faith, you can find a way out. It might be a small adjustment in perception, or it might be taking a big leap of faith, and accomplish and perform in a big action. However, through God it is possible and God is the way out, because God is freedom. There’s nothing that can restrict, limit what’s infinite, what’s unlimited. And we do need to ask for a way to be shown when we cannot see when, and persist when even after a long time, especially if you fall in fear, we still don’t see a way through. If we do persist, the way will be done. And then, we will rejoice.
They’re saying that I have taken major steps in observing myself and to keep working on the communication skills as I’m doing and releasing the anger of perceiving been held back by loved ones. They say the more I do that the sooner and the better my next relationship.
If you want to experience your own past lives and explain the mysteries of your life email me at [email protected]
If you are ready to let go of the beliefs that hold you back from attracting the true love of your life, please watch this free workshop http://www.mirakelley.com/stop-abandonment-attract-true-love-30-days-less/